Write Paul - PaulBunyan.org

WRITE PAUL

Getting mail over to Paul Bunyan is no easy task, as he can only accept letters in a “Paul-Bunyan” fashion. Messages may be sent using the form below. Once received, messages are transcribed omitting, of course, any dotting of the ‘i’s nor crossing of the ‘t’s to save on ink. The letters are then coded, addressed, trampled, crammed into a bottle and fired from a zumbooruk high into air above the Great Lakes. We are not sure what happens next, but bottled responses generally wash up somewhere in our vicinity. There, they are uncorked, read, transcribed and emailed back. This process takes some time, so your patience is greatly appreciated. Being illiterate, Paul Bunyan is not much of a letter writer per se. Fortunately, it does appear that he has employed someone or something to read and take down his dictation. You will be relieved to know that responses may take up to but no later than one year and a day.

ONE MAY WELL WONDER, “HOW?”—Really? After everything else on this site, this is where you start asking questions? Color me impressed.

But to answer the question—Because he's Paul Bunyan, that's how.

And, now, any answer good enough for Paul Bunyan has to be good enough for you. So, if you would like to drop Paul Bunyan a line you may do so on the first form. However, please direct any other inquiries to Lenwood, the site editor, and scroll down to the bottom form.

TO WRITE
PAUL BUNYAN:

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TALL TALES

“Paul Bunyan Gets a Bear Hide

Paul Bunyan went a-hunthing,
In his forty-dollar shoes;
He packed a pot of honey,
And some dynamite and fuse,
He rolled himself a very fine pill.
From tar-paper and snus.
When all at once he spied a bear
And—h—ll just busted loose!

He smeared his shoes with honey,
Just to lead the bear along;
A-puffing on his home-made pill
And a-whistling of a song,
He honey-smeared the dynamite
And lit the little fuse
Then laid it gently on the ground
And left it with adieus.

The bear enjoyed the sweetness
'Till the dynamite went “bang”;
Then Paul just skinned him neatly,
(And whistled while he sang),
But, loggers, heed the moral
Of the poor fool bear that died,
And when you hunt for honey,
Why—be careful of your hide.

— Anonymous, “Paul Bunyan Gets a Bear Hide,” American Lumberman, No. 2403, June 4, 1921, Chicago, IL

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[ DISCLOSURE: THE FOLLOWING IS REAL!—believe me—READER INDISCRETION IS ADVISED! ]

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