Pvt. 'Sans' Sanchez - PaulBunyan.org

PVT. ‘SANS’ SANCHEZ
ALWAYS GETS AWAY

Photograph, taken with a then current camera phone, of the day room at Alpha Detachment, 369th Adjutant General Battalion, Summer 2007, in Fort Jackson, South Carolina.

Army life can often grow dull and boring but not only for those G.I.s encamped in the expanses of the Arabian Desert. For the dullness and drudgery of military life is never for a second lost on new recruits. It is not at all uncommon for the monotony of routine to lead to the propensity for creative and spontaneous forms of amusement. Some of these are even useful at times; not only in making such tasks more bearable but, for those creative enough, escaping them altogether.

THE SUMMER OF 2007 was not a particularly remarkable year over there at Alpha Detachment, 369th Adjutant General Battalion, out of Fort Jackson, South Carolina. The 369th, they specialize in Advanced Individual Training (AIT). For those who don't figure into no military life, well, AIT is the part of soldiers' trainin' what comes right after basic trainin. Now, that there is where a soldier learn their Military Occupational Specialty (MOS), what they do, y'see? It was towards the end of the Bush Era, work was as routine as it could get, so was the recruits, yes sir. But under some peculiar sort of circumstances that there Alpha Detachment was to get a most unexpected arrival. A singular soldier who what's ability for ready concealment, evasive action and such as it is were would win over the admiration of trainers and trainees alike.

At the start of things, it come up suddenly, like a little ember sparkin' a great wild fire, y'see? On one most auspicious of evenin's, nobody quite remembers well when, the soldiers, they all fall in line for formation as was custom. It was sometime durin' then the drill sergeant began to read aloud the C.Q. roster for the night. The soldiers assigned to this duty, they acknowledged their assignments. Except, one soldier who what told the drill sergeant that "Pvt. Sanchez," what a good sport, why, he was most agreein' to take over his shift. Well, such not being altogether unusual, that drill sergeant then scribbled down the young Pvt. Sanchez's John Hancock on the roster.

C.Q. duty, again for those apart from military life, is watch duty involvin' mannin' a front desk, referred to as the C.Q. desk, what involves some routine inspections of the premises, typically overnight, and all with soldier headcounts in the mix. Now, there are a good many soldiers, in trainin' and just 'bout everywheres, what loathed this extra duty what where others, shucks, they gladly took it off their hands for a ten or a twenty or two.

Next, comes nightfall, and, well, somethin' sorta strange starts to occur. Those what are on C.Q. duty get ready but Pvt. Sanchez, well call him "Pvt. 'Sans' Sanchez" (you gonna see why in a moment), he ain't nowhere to be found. Well, that was mighty peculiar and all. Yup, mighty peculiar, yes sir. So, all hands on duty get sent around to go find him. Still, no hide nor hair of old Pvt. Sanchez could be found. Well, the drill sergeants they get right powerful furious and go up and down the halls. Sometime after which, over the intercom comes a frightful yell, somethin' like:

“SANCHEZ, WE KNOW YOU'RE UP THERE!”

— Unknown Drill Sergeant, Summer 2007, 369th Adjutant General Battalion, Alpha Detachment, Fort Jackson, South Carolina

Funny thing 'bout it is, they never did find no Pvt. 'Sans' Sanchez. Kinda makes ya wonder if no Sanchez exists at all. But he must have, 'cause next thing y'know "Pvt. Sanchez" shows up on the lists for sick hall, being for those soldiers what got injured or are bad off needin' a check up. And, stranger still, no Pvt. 'Sans' Sanchez ever shows up for that there neither. Well, the drill sergeants, I don't think none of them ain't seen nothin' like this. Just then, 'bout twenty pizzas get called for and sent out over there to Bravo Detachment, what is next door. It was kinda odd and all, but no "Pvt. Sanchez" showed up to pay the bill!

Such happenin's, they went on for a good long spell. And if it don't beat all, the drill sergeants, themselves, they even started to take to Pvt. 'Sans' Sanchez. One what even made a cadence, a marchin' song, dedicated in Sanchez's honor. Went somethin' like, well, best I can recollect anyhow, what goes to the tune of "Airborne Ranger (Lead the Way)" :

“DRILL SGT: He's in the line for sick hall.
SOLDIERS (REPEAT): He's in the line for sick hall.
SOLDIERS : Woa-oh.
DRILL SGT: He won't be in tomorrow.
SOLDIERS (REPEAT): He won't be in tommorow.
DRILL SGT: He orders twenty pizzas.
SOLDIERS (REPEAT): He orders twenty pizzas.
SOLDIERS: Woa-oh.
DRILL SGT: And sends them all to BRAVO!
SOLDIERS (REPEAT): And sends them all to BRAVO!
ALL TOGETHER: SANCHEZ-EZ-EZ-EZ-EZ!
ALL TOGETHER: ALWA-AYS GETS AWAY!
SOLDIERS (AGAIN): Alwa-ays gets Away!

— “Sanchez Cadence,” Fall 2007, 369th Adjutant General Battalion, Alpha Detachment, Fort Jackson, South Carolina

It was no time at all that Pvt. 'Sans' Sanchez get to become a regular celebrity among Alpha Detachment. Now, sometime after the C.Q. and pizza incidents is whereabouts I arrived on the scene. I, myself, was related the previous incidents by my roommates who what witnessed them firsthand. But I, myself, personally marched along to the Sanchez cadence and heard the name called out for sick hall, yes sir.

So whatever did happen to ol' Pvt. 'Sans' Sanchez? Well, as it so happens, next batch of soldiers what comes to Alpha outta basic trainin', here comes a Pvt. Sanchez! Luckily, I got the good fortune to speak to Pvt. Sanchez, which why I called the otheren Pvt. 'Sans' Sanchez. And Pvt. Sanchez she say she was rather confused by all the attention what she got upon her arrival, people commin' up to her wantin' to shake her hand and all. She didn't even know nobody there neither. Now, I tried to explain to her best I could. However, I don't think the explanation made the situation any less confusin'.

Well, I think what finally done ol' Pvt. 'Sans' Sanchez in was the arrival of Pvt. Sanchez and confusion it started. Although, I'd like to add one final episode before wrappin' this here up. One evein' durin' formation, one of them drill sergeants tried givin' the days instruction what when a cat showed up right in the middle of the formation. Well, the critter was right distractin' for sure and ain't nobody hardly payin' attention to the drill sergeant none. That is where Pvt. Sanchez, she come up and removed the cat to somewhere else. When it happened, I recall soldiers talkin' among themselves, “Finally, Sanchez did somethin' good—for once.”

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TALES

Oftentimes, the triviality of war, with its occasional futility, has long been a spark of clever and unusual reactions from the public at home. But more so, those who have proven no less immune to a similar, witty spontaneity are none other than the armed forces members themselves. Service men and women have always been remarkable in their inventive imagination as well as in their practical jokery. Phillip Sharpe, former U.S. Navy electrician's mate, recounted many such instances during his time aboard the U.S.S. Kearsarge in 2006. Hijinks of American sailors involved such gags as having U.S. Marines stand in lines to nowhere and sending new recruits to retrieve, “Fallopian tubes.” The latter gag often involved new arrivals being redirected, again and again, from section to section. This cycle would repeat itself until their fellow crewmates would offer the “victim” a quick lesson in female anatomy. In a similar vein sailors were also sent on occasion to fetch “fuse chargers,” “PU 55 Yankee forms” and a “MM Punch.” To obtain the last one, a seaman had to go down to the boiler room and demand one from the machinist's mate (i.e. MM) at the request of which their fellow crewman would simply punch them.*

* Source: Phillip Sharpe (U.S. Navy GWOT Veteran) in discussion with the author, March 2015

* * *

In the U.S. Army, a holdover is a soldier who is unable to be sent out after basic training or AIT in light of injury or various other circumstances. These soldiers are typically assigned to perform menial tasks such as cleaning within the base and training areas until they can be cleared for release. "The Soldier's Creed" is a common Army credo, which all soldiers are taught and must learn since their inception into the armed forces. A parody of this creed entitled, "The Holderover's Creed" was common among holdovers and likely still is. There are many versions. Here is one such that was scribbled on the walls of a latrine in Fort Jackson, SC:

“I am an American Holdover.

I am a maid and member of a cleaning crew.

I serve the drill sergeants and live the Holdover values.

I will always place the mopping first.

I will always accept defeat.

I will never ship.

I will never leave a full trashbag.

I am broken, physically and mentally f—ed, untrained and useless in my Holdover tasks and details.

I will always lose my arms, my equipment, and my sanity.

I am inexperienced and I am unprofessional.

I STAND READY TO FORM UP, ENGAGE, AND DESTROY THE GERMS IN THE FORT JACKSON LATRINES.

I AM A GUARDIAN OF CLEANLINESS AND THE HOLDOVER WAY OF LIFE.

I AM AN AMERICAN HOLDOVER.”

— Anonymous, “The Holderover's Creed,” Fort Jackson, SC

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[ DISCLOSURE: THE FOLLOWING IS REAL!—believe me—READER INDISCRETION IS ADVISED! ]

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